My dad died and I can't cry?

I was never very close to my dad, he had his share of problems. My mom always tells me of a story when I was about 4-5 he beat my mom and I got the phone and called 911 and I said "don't hurt mommy" to him, but he took the phone and smacked my mom over the head with it. Idk if that traumatized me but I've always had fear when around my dad and me and my mom are very close. I still love him, but I haven't shed a tear yet, I had watery eyes and have been reminiscing about him in my head...my brothers, sisters, grandparents, and mom are all crying their eyes out...he overdosed on heroin and pills I hear.